Yes, Mom, I do have a past
Alison Bert on March 24th, 2007 | Filed under Music, Family, Books
How ironic. I start a blog called “Lives Wide Open” when I want nothing more than to hide from the world. It’s Saturday night, and instead of being out with my man, I’m sitting cross-legged on the couch eating rainbow sherbet and reading “The History of Love,” pages propped open by clothes pins. I can’t think of a sweeter luxury.
I get to read about love without experiencing it. Which is nice at the moment because to experience love, you have to experience people, and if my guy were here, he’d probably point out that the sherbet I’m eating has high-fructose corn syrup and try to get me to eat Tofutti instead. So here I am alone. On purpose.
Last weekend I was driving to meet him at a swing dance when one of my favorite songs from the past came on: “Those Were the Days” sung by Mary Hopkin. It wasn’t a surprise. I’d programmed it into my iPod. I remember hearing it when I was 8 and telling my mom it made me nostalgic for the past. She laughed. “You’re not old enough to have a past,” she said. “Yes I am,” I protested, reminding her of when I was 5 and Grandma would take me to Central Park Zoo every Saturday. My mother, once a school teacher, explained that that’s not what the song was talking about. Still, it made me feel sentimental.
And apparently it still does. As I was driving to the dance, I was alternately crying my eyes out and singing the lines I’d memorized, relieved that I didn’t have to wait for the di di di’s.
It was nice, actually, a reminder that I can have strong feelings other than the angst of chasing deadlines and the frustration and fatigue that come with having too little time.
So don’t worry about me becoming a weekend shut-in. It’s a stage, and stages pass. If we live them, that is.
March 25th, 2007 at 8:05 am
Now, Alison. I know your mom is thinking exactly what I’m thinking:
The whole point of love is to experience someone. Love in the abstract is self-defeating. It is self-defeating because it is invariably more perfect in the abstract than in reality. It is more perfect in the abstract….. because it is all on your terms.
The whole point is to find a way to tell the guy that Tofutti isn’t going to cut it for you in the least, but you are very pleased if he enjoys it and bon damn appétit. In the meantime, Tofutti breath, please turn out a couple of the lights and take off my clothes.
That’s ALWAYS better than in the abstract.
……
March 25th, 2007 at 11:10 am
You mean “boyfriend, the concept” doesn’t quite cut it?
Truthfully, I think I’m a bit burned out. It’s been a long time since I’ve had time off just to relax. That, and I’m getting way too set in my ways. You nailed it with the “all on your terms” phrase.
March 25th, 2007 at 5:23 pm
Tofuitti - blecchhh! No self-respecting man should be eating lesbian ice cream…
November 14th, 2007 at 7:59 pm
Hi Alison,
Followed you over from the LOHUD forum where I posted as fromalurker. Will put this blog in my favorites and visit as often as possible. Good luck to you.
BTW, the colors and forms at the top are just beautiful.
November 15th, 2007 at 8:08 am
Hi S! Thank you so much for stopping by. The fact that you made this a favorite inspired me to resume writing posts pronto. (I’d been concentrating on photography and my other blog and haven’t posted in a while.)
I can’t take credit for the colorful artwork, other than having discovered it. I used a template called “Idyllic” by Mandarin Musing.
July 28th, 2010 at 8:42 pm
I totally understand. When I was 4, I got the blues because life was going to fast….What a great thing to be alive:)